I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this just has baby written all over it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
