The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
