Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
is it fun? or sober?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
