i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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