This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
