Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
