Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
