Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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