Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
