I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
