I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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