Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
