he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
