how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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