yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
