Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
