Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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