the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am available for nakedness
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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