The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
