Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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