I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
