Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
