If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
