I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize