Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
