Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
