I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
