I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
