the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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