i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
