your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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