Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
