oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
