What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
