im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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