If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
