You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's never too late to be topless.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
