textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
