Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
