Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
