i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
