I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My penis needs a shock collar
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
