This is not my ceiling
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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