Define "chronic" masturbator.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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