The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
