It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
