I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
