I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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