i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
