why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
