my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just pee around me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
