Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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