I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
