i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
