Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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