Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
