I think I died a long time ago.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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