Me. At least after what I've been through.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
