I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
