I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
