So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
