My hand turned me down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know, be my cock's hype man.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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