I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
