If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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