fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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