I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
