You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
