i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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