i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
