He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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