Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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