A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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