I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
