Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
