We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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