you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
